December is here and we are getting closer to the holiday period. For some of us, this can cause anxiety when having to spend time with family. It can bring up triggers that we are not used to in our daily lives. How can you start setting boundaries to have healthy relationships and keep yourself safe?

How to start setting boundaries with family?

Holidays can trigger lots of uncomfortable feelings simply because we are surrounded by family members, which can be triggering old wounds that we haven’t processed yet. However, it helps to know that we don’t have to stay stuck in our old ways of being such as when we were children. As adults, we can decide what is best for us and where we want to put our energy on. But where to start? Below, I have mentioned 5 ways you can start setting boundaries with your family.

1. Only say yes to events you actually want to attend

   You don’t need to attend every event you have been invited to. Know what is best for you and honour yourself. If you know that you are going to be surrounded by people that don’t lift you up or the thought of going to these events drains you, then choose to say no, however difficult that might be.

2. Don’t tolerate comments about your body or food

   Please don’t tolerate comments about your eating habits or the way your body looks. You can politely say that you would rather not talk about these topics or that you don’t feel comfortable discussing these. You can even say, ‘Please don’t comment on the way my body looks or comment on what I eat’. This can be uncomfortable to start with but will be worth the effort.

3. You can walk away from stressful situations

   If something is triggering you, notice how you feel. Know that you don’t have to stay in these situations that cause you overwhelm. If the other person keeps breaking your boundaries then you can choose to walk away with grace. It is okay to leave the situation to keep yourself safe without giving explanations. You can decide whether to engage or not. Ask yourself, ‘Is it worth my energy or not?’

4. Take breaks during and between holiday events

   You can take time off by going for a walk or having a couple of deeper breaths to connect with yourself and come back to it. You have options and you can choose what is best for you. Maybe you arrive by car to the event so you can leave when you want to. Perhaps recharging by doing something that feels good to you in between the events rather than draining yourself.

5. Spending limits on presents

   You can set boundaries with your money too, and know what you can or cannot afford, or what you want to spend your money on. You don’t have to spend money on presents that you don’t want to do. Honour that and know what is best for you.

Leaning into discomfort whilst setting boundaries

It is worth noting, that this is not possible in every culture. Please bear this is mind when starting to set boundaries and do what feels right to you. Have self-compassion whilst setting boundaries since it can be uncomfortable at first. People asking personal questions about your life, or questioning the way you are living your life. If you have a safe person in your family, you can share your feelings and thoughts with them and spend time with them if they make you feel good. You don’t have to stay stuck in conversations that you don’t feel comfortable with, be it about body image or politics.

Take-aways

• do what feels right to you

• be kind to yourself whilst setting new boundaries

• if you have a safe person in your family, choose to spend more time with them

If you’d like to have further support, please contact me via the button below.